Here comes the Judge . . . . Mathis

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OK. Sooo . . . . . my soon-to-be-evicted tenant in Illinois hasn't gotten the messsage about the need for me to reduce stress - she has decided to sue me for 'defamation of character'.  The "DoC" occured when I reported her for using the gas burners in the kitchen to heat the apartment while the 2 adults were asleep and the 2 children awake and playing in the kitchen when I arrived for repairs. Wonder what documentation she has , , because I have photos.
Not only has she decided to sue me [the charges are complete lies btw] she has decided to pursue this on national TV with Judge Mathis. Yeah.  The Judge Mathis Show [think a slightly classier Jerry Springer.  I don't have to provide DNA, no one is questioning the babydaddy and physical attacks are not tolerated.  Oh wait.  Scatch that.  The babydaddy is one of her witnesses]
Lordy.  I don't need this. 
Well, like it or not it's there.  My choices are to either go on Judge Mathis [a trip to Chicago paid in full by the show and, in the very unlikely event she is awarded damages, the $5k she is asking for damages is paid by the show OR I can fly back to the real court [apologies to Judge Mathis] where she will likely file for a continuance each and every time I show up and wait for the time I don't show up at which point the 'damages' will be awarded by default.
So I have a choice to make - a financial disaster or 'get my ghetto on'

Ghetto ON!  I promise I'll wash my hair for the show.