Unexpected

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One of the [many] lessons I'm trying to learn is 'stay in the moment.  I find that too often I live in the memories from home, that I mourn the health of my past and live for going back home and in of fear of what my future is health-wise.
I'm looking forward to my trip back home in June, I'm dreading my weekend at work which starts tomorrow and really anxious about the appointment with neurologist that I have yet to make because I dread it so much.  No bueno.
I'm working on it, I really am.  It's hard to be happy when I feel paralyzed.
Baby steps [no pun intended].  I finally found a cane that I like.  I'm actually looking forward to having the grandkids bling it out.  I guess the search has served it's purpose in more than one way - it's gotten me off the couch and into thrift stores off the beaten path and I've gotten used to talking to salespersons about me needing a cane.  Psychologically those conversations were good for me.  I can cross that whole thing off my list.
Rachel sent me a link this morning http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/ that sums up an everyday challenge for me - energy.  She gets it.  I thought she did but now I really think she does.  I'm not sure Terry gets it [that's another story] but Rachel does.  Just having someone who loves me 'get it' is an unbelievable relief.  Like a weight off my shoulders.  If no one else 'gets it' I'm ok with it.  I feel less crazy.  At least for right now  :-)  I didn't expect that today.
Zach called.  We haven't talked since Christmas.  We've spoken since then but it hasn't been pretty.  It seems that his band is on tour, is in Arizona and has an event 23 miles away.  I have been invited to attend.  Unexpected.  He is currently on his way here to spend the afternoon and have lunch .  Really really unexpected.
I have been crying now for about 4 hours.  I gotta get my shit together. He will be here in 90 minutes.  Not sure why I'm crying but I suspect it has to do with being really happy, really afraid and knowing that someone 'gets me' and loves me anyway.
The lesson today, boys and girls, is to stay in the moment.  Being fearful of the future robs you of the joy of right now.  If one looks to the future then they can't stay focused on what is happening right now  All the worry in the world isn't going to change the outcome of this afternoon - good or bad.  I had lost all hope of mending any fences.  Maybe part of hope is to stop chasing it and just believe what will be will be. 
I need to revel for a bit that my daughter loves me and my son is coming to see me